For Sale Don'ts

As I have been perusing the house market I've noticed some interesting things that sellers have posted in their pictures that in no way help in selling the house. Of course when I thought of doing this blog I couldn't find some of the worse photos--like one of a man who has scrunched down and faced away from the camera so it looks like they are criminal-catching, house-selling multi-taskers. (I'm going to attempt to try something here and I'm crossing every digit in hopes that it will work.)

1. Do not post pictures that show case exactly how much yard work the buyers will have to do each year---in addition to right after they move in so that their thousands-of-dollars-eat-bologna-sandwiches-so-that-they-can-one-day-afford-the-down-payment-spend-every-weekend-of-the-past-six-months-scouring-the-state-for-the-one-that-fits-the-most-of-their-criteria purchase looks nice.
   
   [caption id="attachment_40" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="We'll throw in the leaves for free!"][/caption]


2. Don't show case a house that you have listed as "move-in ready" with things that will need to be repaired, replaced or added. I've seen bathrooms without mirrors or flooring, rooms that have two or three different colors of paint (kinda like the person painting had multiple personality disorder and you weren't sure which color/personality won), and some where no flooring was laid, but they did have fun watching paint make it's way down the steps.
   
   [caption id="attachment_41" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="These floors will look loads better once the blinds finally fall and make a ding or scratch them!"][/caption]


3. Try not to exemplify the more creepy aspects of the home you are trying to sell. Really dark, damp-looking basements, bars or ply wood on the windows,  and weird stains on the floor are not exactly shouting "come and get it"  to potential buyers. My favorite creepy thing of all is the faces some houses have.

Do you honestly want to see a fire coming out of the mouth of that??

Another little friendly tip from me to you: clean your bathroom!!! Nothing like seeing  how many times you've missed the toilet and have turned the grout around it from sheet white to eww-why-is-that-yellow to entice buyers! (Yay inserting pictures in the blog worked!! Except for the last one, it worked perfectly, too!)

Revelations of Self

Due to the fact that I've recently finished a book, there's nothing on TV, and I can't currently think of a movie to watch on Netflix you are getting another post out of me. :-)

1. I have almost a desperate desire in my heart to write a young adult book that I can't seem to shake. I am completely void of any subject matter on which I could write and grasp in vain at ideas I deem unoriginal and know that they would turn into a pathetic misrepresentation of the wonderful work already done by someone else's hand. This longing, this unborn thing in me would, with hopeful wishes, engulf the reader in the wonder of another world full of magic and perseverance. I once had a literature teacher who wrote off escapist literature as something for children only and should be left alone once you learn to read with an analytical eye. I vehemently disagree with this opinion of hers. Some of the most extraordinary characters I have come across have been found amongst the pages of fairy tales and they have shown me what true compassion, friendship, self-growth, coping, and love is while taking on the worst of foes. I don't think we are done being taught how to live with such vital concepts when we reach any certain age, so to stop allowing yourself to receive those lessons from sources that also provide great entertainment--to me--is like saying that you are done developing as a human of childlike wonder and empathy.


2. I really don't appreciate it when someone tries to force a  certain response from me--especially if it's one that wouldn't come naturally from me.  Whether it be a judgmental statement such as "you don't actually like that, do you" to a statement that forces (usually feigned) interest from me. My mother loves to use this tactic to help spread unnecessary drama. One evening my husband and I were sitting across from her and her husband and out of the blue she says, "And that's why [he] isn't allowed over the house anymore." At no point were we talking about this guy nor do we know him. The only appropriate way I can think of to respond to this without also being pulled into needless drama is to ignore the comment. I guess my issue with expected responses is that it is a form of manipulation. When you grow up being constantly manipulated you tend to loathe it like traditional vampires loathe sunlight or Ke$ha loathes decency, propriety...soap.


3. I have this terrible tendency to block myself off from others. I would like to say that I have no idea why and cross my arms and make you move on to something else, but I can't. I honestly think it's because of so many people letting me down in my life. Be it by using me as a pawn in their game or filling my ears with words and my eyes with actions full of falsehoods so that I no longer know what is right or simple lack of love and utter neglect from those who swore to care for me. I have a horrible habit of clinging to someone new in my life and divulge all of my secrets just knowing that they are the one person who might actually understand me and maybe somehow reverse the damage done. I cling to that person as a lifeline until that day that they turn out to be human and then I begin to build a wall against them so that they can't hurt me like so many others have. I can and often do forgive any trespass that occurred but I can't figure out a way to stop construction. These barriers that I cling to are higher and stronger than China's glory, but are as harmful as Berlin's shame. The simplest word-to-paper way to fix this is to trust others and understand that they are every bit as human as I am. Recovering trust, however in practice, is so hard for me. My hope is one day I will get better and that my children will grow up not seeing this side to their mother.

Ever reach out into the void so hard only to realize it's called that for a reason? Later days.

Pet Peeves

I think I might have a cohesive blog this time! Ack!! Surely this is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse!!!!

1. I hate it when I'm using Stumble Upon and someone has decided to click "I like it!" in the middle of a list or at the end of the list. For those who don't know--because they are weird--Stumble Upon is an ad-on through Firefox which asks for your browsing preferences  and then returns websites based on the given criteria. You can give the program a better idea of what you enjoy by voting "I like it!" or "No more like this" on any given page. If you click "I like it!" on a website or page that was not previously apart of Stumble Upon then you can add it to their wide array for other users to find. Which means that if someone clicks "Stumble!" and they get the page you added, then they will get the page you liked. If this happens to be at the middle or end of a list, then the user has to recognize that and continue on or click their way back to the beginning (usually waiting for each page to load) and then go through the list again, but this time in the proper order. It really irritates me that the submitter can't just go back to the beginning and like that page so that the recommendation that is being given to others isn't a long task to fix so that the list can be properly enjoyed. Grr.


2. Magazine pretentiousness. I find it very hard to take seriously magazines that think you have Martha Stewart's supply room, her cooking or craft skills, Donald Trump's bank account, and Paris Hilton's figure. The most laughable  to me is the section that is dedicated to "getting the look for less" and the items it displays is a $250 dress, $75 shoes, $60 bracelet, and a clutch for $100. How about you really help me out and tell me where I can find some comfy pants for under $15? To my knowledge we're still suffering from a recession out there. Or how about some quick meal ideas that don't involve me owning every kitchen appliance known to man. A way to make eating Hamburger Helper for the 3rd night in a row because that's all I can afford a little more appealing--that wouldn't be too bad. I guess it just all boils down to the fact that I think if you are going to print tips and advice and sell it to the general public, try making them something we can actually use!


3. "House Hunters International"--usually this show annoys me because people are shopping for their vacation home. Which is all fine and good for them, but I'm poor and saving up for a house that won't even look as good as the slums of the cities where they are looking. So really this is more of an insecurity about my own bank account and channeling that to bitterness for their good fortune. It's still not fair though!!!!

In my closing I won't slip in a 4th pet peeve so that I can still maintain my motif but inform you of something else that came to mind. For instance I won't talk about how I hate it when others burn leaves because it makes my throat feel like it's closing up and I can't breathe. Nope. I am not doing anything like that!

G. O. G.

It's amazing how often my brain confuses thinking about writing another post with actually doing it. I hope all my posts don't include an apology for being distant from the previous one. Maybe next time I will act as if it were on purpose....

1. If I were to ever become a rock star, I would be the only one whose songs were 100% grammatically correct. This may end up hindering my rise to fame, but at least everyone would be speaking properly while singing my songs. This is not to say that I am 100% grammatically correct--I'm sure you can see several things wrong in all my posts--but I would hire an editor, maybe three, to proofread my songs. It would be great if correct grammar were incorporated into daily life so it wouldn't be so alien for us to speak appropriately when we have cause to do so.  For instance, the creators of "The Fairly Oddparents" had a great opportunity to teach kids to use  the subjunctive "were" when wishing, but instead nearly all the wishes out of Timmy's mouth begin with "I wish I was...." Pity.


2. It doesn't take a lot (at all) to make me happy. It could be something like finding an ordinary product in a smaller size (e.g. the small and slender Cokes that come in a six pack) or my husband imitating the sound of a moose. One thing that makes me extremely happy whenever I think of it is "onety." I'm not sure who came up with it--probably a stand-up comedian--but I find it hilarious and start counting which inevitably turns into me laughing like a loon. "eight..nine...onety...onety-one...onety-two...onety-three" :-3


3. Before we get too far away from Christmas I would like to record the bizarre happenings we had with a certain decoration. In our living room we have a decent sized TV upon which we set nutcrackers while adorning the house in Christmas paraphernalia. One nutcracker in particular would be facing the front, but then mysteriously during the day he would turn 90 degrees and suddenly be facing the kitchen while all the others would remain facing forward. When I first noticed this I thought my husband was messing with me and asked him when he turned the nutcracker. He, however, thought  I was playing a trick on him. We both denied touching the nutcracker and then proceeded to be very freaked out--and the little guy's painted face didn't help him in seeming innocent. At least two more times I noticed that he was turned after we had righted him. We're trying not to believe that it was a ghost or some phenomenon. We've explained it away with the fact that the wind from the door opening probably turned it or how the house isn't sturdy and our walking probably moved it. I don't think we're thoroughly convinced and I'm glad the nutcracker is packed away now. OoooooooEeeeeeeOooooo ;-)

That is all. Thanks!

Motif Maybe

Wow! Ok, so I did not intentually go this long without posting again. This was not a lesson in patience or an understanding of myself. It boils down to being lazy, neglectful, and out of the state. Sorry!

1. I have decided to try out a motif for my blog. I think having a goal of saying 3 things to whomever ends up reading this will ultimately make it easier to come up with ideas for a new entry, compose the blog, and for you to read. I do not want this to become a chore for either of us. :-)


2. My mattress idea. Mattresses are really supportive of one position: back. If you are a tummy tumbler, then your feet and the fact that you have a face gets in your way--unless you are faceless. If you are, please comment below as to how you are reading this. If you sleep on your side (as I do), you are wishing to amputate an arm so that you can lie comfortably--or maybe pop them on and off like a doll. My idea is to have a piece of the mattress that you can move...well 4 pieces.  A foot from the top and the bottom of the mattress would be the removable sections; 2 at each end. That way you can drop your arm down so you are no longer laying on it, place that face out of the way...and if you're tall enough, drop those toesies. (I believe that to be the proper spelling.) The only thing is you would have to make special sheets for these mattresses--but that's not my problem. ;-)


3. I HATE AOL EMAIL. I suppose I should give it props first for sending and receiving emails. The plus side ends there. Ever since my Dell Inspiron went kaput (keys popped off, parts of the screen broke and now it refuses to close, and the battery is worthless) I have been using a netbook for my computer needs. The main page that you work from is so saturated with unneeded schtuff that the space you are given to read the email is approximately an inch long. To remedy that I got Thunderbird--yes I'm a Firefox-y lady--no big deal. The biggest problem I have with AOL mail is that it notifies me of non-existent messages. I will have a new email and Thunderbird or my phone (or both) will notify me of that. I will then, naturally, check the email and save it or delete it accordingly. Within 10 minutes I will receive another notification that I've received a new email and there will be nothing new there! It drives me absolutely insane. Sometimes I will receive 2 or 3 more notifications for non-existent email. It's nearly to the point of me deleting my account or alerting everyone/business to use a different email.

Ok word count is nearing 500, so I'll shut up for now and release you to other distractions or to your planned day--kudos for those who are not procrastinating!

3 Things

I have at least that many things to tell you although it may turn into more. They make you put your title first and then you write the comment, but for someone who hasn't figured out her life yet expecting her to know what she is going to say is a little much. So...I might as well get started.

1. I didn't post immediately the day of my first post or the day after because I didn't want to apply that kind of consistency pressure to myself. Which I guess goes to show a good understanding of myself. Much like Wii Fit, this site would become a constant guilt trip and I don't need the same kind of judgment that I get from a bendy white CG board. The reason I didn't post any time from the next day until now is because I was visiting someone and ended up being snowed in with no laptop.

2. I am working on a list of words that I can make from my name and so far have come up with 49. My favorites are: fleck, dare, bard, rare, and breaker. Now for the 50th word...*is thinking*...dealer.

3. I hate it when women with really fair features wear dark eye makeup. For instance the woman who plays Tess on "27 Dresses." I feel like I'm trying to figure out what her real eyes look like and as I lean in to figure it out her face is going to change into a soul-sucking monster and I don't realize what's happened until *wham!* Too. Late. I'm also tired of these people who look absolutely perfect at every moment of every scene. No one is like that. It's like the entertainment industry have a collection of marionette dolls to choose from for every show and movie--most of whom are interchangeable.

Ok that's it for now. I'll be a good blogger and stick to my title.

Hello

This is my very first blog and I am very nervous. My hope is that it will be accidentally great because not much that I do that I hope is great ever works out as I wish. However, things I find small and pointless (much like myself) tend to mean something to someone. Usually when this is the case I find out years later. My hope is to find some point to this and to myself while making others laugh and smile.

I hope someone out there will enjoy. Thank you.